Lauren “Groping Granny” Boebert indisputably cemented her total disdain and lack of respect for the rule of law and social norms with her despicable behavior at a recent performance of “Beetlejuice,” at the Buell Theatre in Denver. Her behavior was memorialized through video taken at the performance.

GG, who pretends to represent the state’s 3rd Congressional District in the U.S. House of Representatives – including us folks here in Pueblo – predictably lied about her behavior until presented with irrefutable evidence of her sultry performance. A literary autopsy of her and her staff’s responses is warranted to ferret out the truth.

GG was accompanied to a packed house of “Beetlejuice” by her date, Quinn “Hands” Gallagher. GG and Hands subsequently provided the audience without cost their own rendition of “Peyton Place” by engaging in behavior usually reserved for adolescents in the far back row of the upstairs balcony at the movie theater.

It appears GG and Hands were accused by the sold-out audience of children and adults of vaping, singing, taking flash photos and caressing each other’s family jewels, all of which are prohibited. GG admitted singing but initially denied vaping until tapes proved otherwise. GG’s campaign manager, Drew Sexton, said GG was a huge supporter of the performing arts, at the same time adding she was unaware taking photos was taboo, which is a staple caveat at all performances.

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Meanwhile, GG initially denied vaping but when presented with video of vaping she fessed up but claims, “I genuinely did not recall vaping…”. What? GG has not answered the question of what was being vaped and/or how much alcohol she had consumed prior to the performance which caused the temporary amnesia.

Subsequent footage shows GG and Hands, as previously described by others as getting very handsy with each other. Specifically, a graphic photo shows Hands massaging GG’s chest while GG was warming her hands between her escort’s legs.

Perhaps the lack of recall about vaping was caused by a temporary medical episode which required Hands to perform emergency CPR on GG’s chest which might explain that she was so terrified she had to place her hands between Gallagher’s legs to hold on for dear life. Nah, they were making out and getting to know one other a little bit better.

GG and Hands were advised by Buell staff they had to quit their adolescent behavior. The admonition fell on deaf ears. Instead, when a pregnant patron sitting behind Romeo and Juliet once again asked her to stop vaping, GG replied with “no” and described the innocent patron as “sad and miserable.”

Alas, the couple was forced to leave the theater, but not without further histrionics by GG including flipping off the staff and posing the rhetorical question asked by many wannabes, “Do you know who I am?” The answer is, “of course we do, you are the world-famous groping grandmother who kept tugging at the top of her dress to avoid fallout.”

Lest we forget GG is married to and about to be divorced from Jayson “Flasher” Boebert. Flasher was previously caught with his pants down exposing his manhood to patrons of the local bowling alley which led to a criminal conviction. As one would expect, GG blamed the victims for Flasher’s behavior.

I am unaware of any scientific or medical evidence exhibitionism is contagious. It is probably just coincidence GG and Flasher have a difficult time keeping their bodies covered or, in GG’s case, buying a dress two sizes small.

The readers should recall GG is a right-wing conspiracy theorist who brandishes her evangelical and family values gravitas by demonizing the LGBTQ community and accusing them of grooming children. She is the same woman who pretends to care for the unborn and the sanctity of children yet would vape in front of a pregnant woman and refuse to quit vaping when asked.

This is the same person who claimed to be handling her divorce with “strength and grace,” all the while flaunting her physical attributes to the world and not having the decency to inform Flasher she was going to serve him with divorce papers, which provided its own drama.

GG is the same person who has delivered a least three apologies and accompanying versions of denial without one scintilla of sincerity, as evidenced by her behavior at a recent Republican Party gathering in Trinidad where she went on an incomprehensible rant concerning levity and gravity and ended with, “let me know how ‘Beetlejuice’ ends,” in an attempt to be funny. Instead, it illustrates her total lack of consideration for the patrons who were expecting to enjoy a fabulous performance of a truly enjoyable play. To add insult to injury she is now disputing her conversation with the Buell staff who were just doing their jobs.

Though it would not be surprising for GG to submit yet another self-serving explanation for her behavior by making it a partisan issue, it is not. At least four conservative Republican women have used strong language in describing GG’s behavior. Ann Coulter described her as a “totally embarrassing bimbo”. Jenna Ellis said she was “embarrassing and disrespectful.”  Ana Navarro called her a “trash queen.” Meghan McCain said: “Lauren Boebert is trash.”

I suspect there will be those who find this article excessively harsh. Let me be clear it is intentionally crafted to be so. GG would have it no other way, as she gives no quarter and should not expect any.

GG is a hypocritical, racist, homophobic pathological liar who will try to make herself a martyr. It’s too late.

Dennis Maes served 24 years as a 10th Judicial District judge in Pueblo and was chief judge for 17 of those years. He previously served as director of Pueblo County Legal Services, Inc.; as a public defender and as an attorney in private practice.