“What’s in a nickname?” Shakespeare might have written had the playwright been covering politicians in Colorado this year instead of telling the story of star-crossed lovers in 14th century Verona.

“That which we call ‘Let’s Go Brandon’ by any other name would smell as sweet,” the Bard might have put it.

In Shakespeare’s original version, Juliet tells Romeo in their titular play’s iconic balcony scene that names don’t matter. A rose, she suggests, would still be a rose, with all the same qualities, if we called it something else.

A member of the Capulet family, Juliet was making a case that she and Romeo, a Montague, should be able to date despite their clans’ longstanding mutual disdain. (SPOILER: It didn’t end well.)

State Rep. Dave Williams, a Colorado Springs Republican challenging U.S. Rep. Doug Lamborn’s bid for a ninth term in Colorado’s June primary, comes to a different conclusion. (Republicans Rebecca Keltie and Andrew Heaton are also running in the June 28 primary.)

Williams argued in court in April that Colorado law permits his name to appear on ballots, along with a phrase embraced by some conservatives to express how much they dislike President Joe Biden.

In rapid succession, Secretary of State Jena Griswold, a Denver District Court judge and the Colorado Supreme Court disagreed.

Since mid-December, Williams has made a point of inserting “Let’s Go Brandon” – in MAGA world, it stands for “F— Joe Biden” – between his first and last names on social media, in radio and podcast interviews, at political events and around the Capitol, he told the court.

“In short, ‘Let’s Go Brandon’ was a sincere, well-used nickname,” Williams argued through his attorney, former Secretary of State Scott Gessler, in a court document.

But when Williams included the nickname on the candidate designation form he filed with the Secretary of State’s Office after qualifying for the ballot at the congressional district assembly, Griswold, a Democrat, rejected it, saying it is a political slogan, not a nickname.

Williams sued, arguing that Griswold had invented the slogan exception out of thin air, since state statute explicitly allows candidates to use nicknames so long as the nickname doesn’t include “any part of a political party name.”

This “narrow – but focused – prohibition,” Williams argued, made clear that lawmakers had considered whether to allow nicknames with political meaning but had decided only to ban “nicknames like ‘True Republican,’ ‘Progressive Democrat,’ or ‘Proud Libertarian.'” The law also says candidates can’t use titles and degrees but doesn’t set any other parameters around what’s allowed.

After a lengthy hearing, Judge Andrew McCallin ruled on April 27 that Williams had established the phrase is his bona fide nickname, but the judge also determined that Griswold is within her authority to refuse to include it on ballot “due to the political meaning behind the name.” The secretary of state, McCallin said, “has the responsibility to ensure that campaign slogans are not inserted on the ballot under the guise of a nickname.”

Williams immediately appealed to the state’s high court, asking for a swift ruling because Griswold was supposed to certify the primary ballot and deliver its contents to county clerks by April 29 so officials could get ballots to their printers in time to meet mailing deadlines.

In an en banc order issued the morning of April 29, the Colorado Supreme Court declined to hear the appeal, leaving the lower court’s ruling in place.

Voters in Colorado’s newly created 8th Congressional District would have seen the law in action if two of the hopefuls had made the ballot.

Democrat Charles “Chaz” Tedesco, an Adams County commissioner, and Republican Giulliana “Jewels” Gray, a business owner and first-time candidate, however, failed to qualify.

Colorado Politics contributor Hal Bidlack recalled in a recent column that when he was Lamborn’s Democratic challenger in 2008, he was able to appear on the ballot as “Hal” rather than as “Harold,” his legal first name. But, under the law, he couldn’t be listed as “Retired Lt. Colonel Hal Bidlack, Ph.D.”

“Straightforward rule that everyone seems to understand,” Bidlack added.

While the district court judge agreed that Williams presented sufficient evidence to establish he was actually using the phrase as a nickname, there’s no denying it’s more of a catchphrase.

If only Williams had approached the ballot from the perspective of a TV sitcom character and included an exclamation point, he might have won over Griswold and the courts.

It’s a safe bet that if they ran for office in Colorado, Fred “Yabba Dabba Doo!” Flintstone, Bart “Don’t Have a Cow, Man!” Simpson, JJ “Dy-no-mite!” Walker, Sheldon “Bazinga!” Cooper or Sgt. “I Know Nothing!” Schultz would be permitted to include their signature phrases on the ballot. 

It could be that Williams wasn’t audacious enough.

Earlier in April, New Jersey congressional candidate Robert Shapiro, who was challenging a Republican incumbent in the state’s June primary, was barred from using the slogan “Let’s Go Brand*n – FJB” along with his name on the ballot.

Shapiro maintained that “FJB” were “just letters of the alphabet” rather than initials standing for the phrase that the Brandon phrase stands for, but the New Jersey Division of Elections disagreed – but then offered to meet Shapiro in the middle.

“If you would like to amend your slogan to ‘Let’s Go Brand*n,’ removing ‘FJB,’ that slogan will not be rejected,” the division’s director told Shapiro, who took him up on it, the New Jersey Globe reported.

Unfortunately, a few days later, Robert “Let’s Go Brand*n” Shapiro was knocked off the ballot because he hadn’t submitted enough signatures on his nominating petition.

One solution might be to require candidates to submit nicknames to level the playing field.

It’s the rare Colorado candidate who hasn’t acquired a nickname or catchphrase by the time he or she faces voters, though so far only the traditional style of nicknames have appeared on ballots.

Some have been adopted by candidates – most typically shortened versions of candidates’ first names, as gubernatorial candidates Dick Lamm, Bill Ritter, Bob Beauprez, Tom Tancredo and Mike Johnston could all attest – but have also included descriptive phrases. Gessler, for instance, took to calling himself “Honey Badger” to signal his ferocious relentlessness, though he didn’t ask to include the colorful phrase on the ballot.

Others have had nicknames thrust upon them by political foes, as Mark “Boulder Liberal” Udall and “Both Ways Bob” Beauprez perhaps ruefully recall.

At this writing, there are only a few days left in the 2022 regular session of the Colorado General Assembly, so if lawmakers want to endorse the use of nicknames with political meaning in time for the November election, they’ll have to act quickly.

Think of the possibilities.

Depending on who wins the Republican U.S. Senate primary, Democrat Michael “Accidental Senator” Bennet could face Republican Joe “Let’s Talk About Inflation” O’Dea or Ron “Trump Won the Election” Hanks. 

Gov. Jared “Bold” Polis could go up against Republican Heidi “Mom on a Mission” Ganahl or Greg “Second Time’s a Charm” Lopez, with Danielle “Party Like It’s 2010” Neuschwanger running on the American Constitution Party ticket.

For candidates who don’t come equipped with their own nickname or associated phrase, the Secretary of State’s Office could assign ballot monikers.

To keep it fair, they could consult online nickname generators.

As an example, randomly assigning results from a popular “cool nickname” website, the Republicans running in the 7th Congressional District would appear on the ballot as Erik “Bad Kitty” Aadland, Tim “Snuggle Bear” Reichert and Laurel “Woo Woo” Imer.

Alternatively, election officials could conduct an online poll to designate appropriate noms de scrutin, though history suggests things might go awry.

What would Republican voters think if their choices in the 5th CD primary this year included Mister Splashy Pants Lamborn, Davie McDaveface Williams, Rebecca iCandidate 2.0 Keltie and Andrew Harambe Heaton?