FINALLY!!!

The seemingly never-ending 2021 first regular session of the 73rd General Assembly ended on Tuesday of this week, to the cheers, or at a minimum relief, of everyone.

The rubber band balls were dropped, libations of all kinds were had all over the building once the final gavel was banged in the House. Big trash bins are overflowing all over the building and yours truly spent a little time playing the harp in both chambers, an annual tradition that lowers the temperature just a bit.

2021 Rubber band ball drop, won by Senate Republicans and their proprietary (according to Sen. Jim Smallwood of Parker) secret core. The Senate Dems ball kinda disintegrated when it hit the 1st floor. Apparently karma had its way with the Dems’ ball in retribution for the GOP ball disappearing for two weeks. Slo-mo video courtesy Sage Naumann, Senate GOP spox. 

Cap M is going to do her own winners and something else’s, with some culled from the columns of the 2021 session:

FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE SESSION: A real toughie, because this session had more than its fair share of those moments.

The winner: The rubber band ball war in the Senate. The culprit was never officially identified, despite the cameras in the Senate that could have exposed said culprit, should someone be inclined to look. Amendments were offered, a late bill was considered, and Sen. Jim Smallwood of Parker walked around with a forlorn look on his face for weeks (although that could have been from the public option bill, too).

2nd place: Rep. Matt Gray of Broomfield, for swiping the House GOP elephant, Goliath, more than once. He then spent the final weeks swiping things out of everyone’s office at some point, except for Capitol M, who is now offended. There was a point in the final two days when you couldn’t even see the top of his desk because there was so much stuff from other people’s desks on it.

3rd place: The House GOP’s squeaky pigs. Loved it. Never got tired of it. The point was to give them a good squeak every time Democrats (usually) did something that spent money. Capitol M is beyond amazed the pigs lasted until the final day, given how much money got spent in this session.

The pig gifted to Rep. Rod Bockenfeld of Watkins from Rep. Mike Lynch of Wellington. 

By MARIANNE GOODLAND
marianne.goodland@coloradopolitics.comMarianneGoodland, Colorado Politics
marianne.goodland@coloradopolitics.com
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Honorable mention: Rep. Kyle Mullica of Thornton for reviving the too-long-forgotten (and he had help remembering from a couple of folks, ahem) tradition of sewing coat sleeves shut. The look on Gray’s face is one for the ages.

Rep. Matt Gray videoBy MARIANNE GOODLAND
marianne.goodland@coloradopolitics.comMarianneGoodland, Colorado Politics
marianne.goodland@coloradopolitics.com
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FUNNIEST DUO OF THE SESSION: Sundari Kraft and Eric Bergman, for LOLZ throughout the session. While Bergman is well known for his sense of humor, Kraft provided several ideas for Capitol M that shall remain under wraps and deserves the credit.

The high point, of course, was the House Ag hearing a couple of weeks ago when the two were at the witness table for a bill on cannabis seeds, which deteriorated into discussions of cannabis sex, or something.

FUNNIEST TRIO OF THE SESSION: Sens. Paul Lundeen, Kerry Donovan and Jim Smallwood, during the debate on the used-to-be-called-public-option bill on May 25. During a division vote on the final amendments, Lundeen and Smallwood literally lifted Donovan (the bill’s sponsor) off the floor in an attempt to gain just. One. More. Vote.

Lest you think this might be a form of workplace harassment, keep in mind that Donovan started it.

It also says a lot about the difference in temperature between the two chambers, which could not have been more dissimilar this year.

Capitol M spent a couple of minutes looking for the video evidence. This will date me (as if most things don’t, right?) but advancing the Colorado Channel video at 5 seconds at a time can be quite amusing. Minority Leader Chris Holbert of Parker makes the most interesting facial expressions. It’s like a weird flip-book.

And FYI, now that masks are largely gone, did anyone else notice the spectacular moustache grown by Senate Assistant Secretary Andrew Carpenter in the Senate in the past year?

WORST JOKES OF THE SESSION: Anything coming out of House Appropriations. Sorry, Rep. Leslie Herod (who came up with the idea of asking lawmakers who were presenting their bills to first provide a joke). Most of y’all should keep your day jobs and leave the jokes to the professionals.

Actually, it isn’t that the jokes weren’t funny. Most were just really, really corny. Not sure what that says about the House, but Capitol M would be willing to bet a few folks in the Senate might have some ideas. And thank you to Senate Approps for sparing everyone the same agony.

NOT LOSERS, BUT IT SHOULD BE NOTED:

3rd place to the Twitter war between Taylor Rhodes of Rocky Mountain Gun Owners and various folks in the House Minority Office, after a post-Sine Die attempt to boot Minority Leader Hugh McKean (led in part by RMGO) failed on a spectacularly grand scale. A two-thirds vote of support may say something about how tired some folks in the caucus (and a lot of other folks at the Capitol) are of RMGO.

2nd to last place: decorum, especially in the House. New leadership meant some pretty hefty lifting, especially on the issue of bad behavior. This belongs to both caucus leaders, as bad behavior was endemic on both sides.

Last place: Rep. Ron Hanks of Florence, for his “I’ll break your neck” to McKean, about two weeks before session’s end. At least publicly, there was no consequence for Hanks doing this. Capitol M gets that McKean is a Quaker and hence more of a peacemaker, but this isn’t appropriate under any circumstances.

Capitol M and voters in general believe that people are elected to the General Assembly to make Colorado a better place. Rep. Hanks, threats of physical violence do not accomplish that. Please behave like the people of Colorado expect their state lawmakers to behave rather than the insurrectionists you hung out with in Washington, D.C. on Jan. 6.

Thankfully, the mini-insurrection in the House caucus on Sine Die laid out, and in a very public way, what’s going on in the caucus, putting an end to rumors and behind-the-scenes stories on the whole mess.

Here’s hoping a few people, not just Hanks, will do some reflecting on what they can do to embark on a more professional path in the future.

At least we can hope.