Just weeks before her husband was fatally shot in the line of duty, Rachael Flick said, they were talking about the New Year’s Eve slaying of Douglas County sheriff’s Deputy Zackari Parrish.

“My heart hurt, but the reality of it is that you kind of go, ‘I can’t think about that – I can’t think about the reality that that could be us,'” she said. “And then several weeks later it was, and I just sat there in the hospital and thought, ‘I don’t want to be in this club.'”

Rachael Flick broke her silence Thursday afternoon, addressing the media for the first time since her husband’s death.

Deputy Micah Flick was killed in a gunbattle during an attempted auto-theft arrest on his 11th anniversary with the El Paso County Sheriff’s Office. Three law enforcement officers and a passer-by were wounded in the Feb. 5 shooting. The shooter – Manuel Zetina, 19, of Colorado Springs – also was killed.

“Losing Micah was our worst fear but a very present reality,” his wife said.

“We had a deal that every morning he kiss me goodbye, regardless of how we had left the night before – if we were frustrated or happy with one another – that he always kiss me goodbye, because we knew that that could be our last.”

To cope with the loss of her husband, Rachael Flick said, she relies on her faith, which has enabled her to forgive his killer.

“I know that Jesus forgave me of things I absolutely did not deserve to be forgiven for, and that he commands us to forgive as we have been forgiven,” she said. “But it’s really important with forgiveness to remember that forgiveness is not saying that what that other person did is OK, that I should allow them to continue doing anything of the sort or that I do not continue to be in pain because of what they did.”

Rachael Flick said her husband was devoted to their 7-year-old twins. Every Friday night was “family fun night,” and the Friday before he died, they played Scrabble Junior for the first time, she said.

“Micah was the best dad, and he played with Eliana and Levi as long and often as possible,” she said. “He was always taking them to the park, playing hours of football with Levi, and would take Eliana to coffee shops with a fresh sketchpad where they would both enjoy their love of art and connect in that way with creativity.”

She said her children are “hurting.” She was able to explain Micah’s death to them in part because they already had lost great-grandparents.

“They had a really good idea of what death was and what that meant,” Rachael Flick said. “And so when I told them that daddy was gone, that he wasn’t living anymore, they’re very capable of understanding that at a pretty articulate level.”

During the procession after the funeral, Rachael Flick said her daughter told her, “Mommy, seeing all these people honoring daddy makes that just a little bit easier, makes my heart a little bit happier.”

Rachael Flick said that in the weeks since her husband’s death, many have commented on her strength.

“We are still moving through life hour by hour, sometimes one breath at a time,” she said. “We cry as a family together often, but we don’t grieve like people without hope, because we know that Micah lives. Micah is in heaven, which is a very real place, and we are going to see him again.”

She also called for respect for law enforcement and nationwide unity.

“Micah was a courageous man and a hero, a man of integrity and honor, but Micah was human, and he struggled with insecurity just like all of us do,” she said. “He always asked himself if he was doing enough, did his sacrifices make a difference. When I watched you from behind Micah’s hearse, lining the streets and waving flags, you told me that he did matter. You brought your children in the snow to salute Micah on the way to his final resting place. You modeled honor and respect for Micah and the men and women who risk their lives every day for us.”