A recent article in Colorado Politics has caused me to do a bit of thinking.  It seems a “pistol-packing owner of Rifle’s Shooters Grill” is challenging incumbent GOP Congressman Scott Tipton from the right. Lauren Boebert’s eatery is famous in part for the fact that the employees carry firearms while at work. I’m guessing tips are pretty good.

Ms. Boebert says she’s fed up with how Tipton has failed, in her view, to live up to true conservative principles, which will come as a surprise to Tipton, who has voted in support of Trump over 95% of the time. I guess that level of doing Trump’s bidding isn’t enough. Thoughtful conservatives might suggest that Trump isn’t really a true conservative, but that must await a future column.

Boebert stated that four first-term members of Congress, especially the one now known by the initials AOC, are pretty bad: “”It’s an atrocity right now that we have these four women running our country into the ground.” She later does acknowledge that four first-year representatives don’t actually run the country, but I guess the inflammatory statement justifies the misstatement.

Anyway, golly gee, I’m convinced! I used to be a moderate Dem, but clearly, it’s now time to take the country back from all those ills in life that our nasty oppressive government forces on us. It’s time to create a true conservative/libertarian paradise right here in Colorado. Let’s start taking the following steps, because, as you know, government is evil and must be crushed:

First, let’s get rid of those nasty government agents that drive around our communities going wherever they want. I’m talking about the police and fire departments. Just as back in the founding period of our nation, market forces can take care of these needs. Why should I, as a free American, be forced to pay taxes for something I’m likely to never use? If there truly is a need for police and fire, we can hire (out of our tax savings) private companies to cover our homes. Sure, a few houses will burn down and some bad guys will get away, but you’ll be free. Oh, and let’s get rid of those so-called school crossing guards — unelected government agents that regularly interfere with my right to drive past schools as I like.

And while we’re at it, let’s end the government’s monopoly on licensing a whole variety of professions. Why should the government get to say who is a legal hairdresser and who isn’t?  Eliminate the tyranny of the Colorado Office of  Barber and Cosmetology Licensure!

And doctors — why should the government get to say who can practice medicine? Let market forces fix it, and people who save more patients than they lose will get more business, and the entire health care problem is mended on the spot. 

Farmers and ranchers have long been oppressed by the government insisting on checking out the cleanliness and health of our food supply. Let’s kick those government inspectors to the curb, and ranchers, including those in and around Rifle, where I assume Ms. Boebert buys her restaurant’s steaks, that supply good meat will thrive, and those that poison their customers will, if you’ll let me borrow a phrase, die off.

Colorado has a number of companies engaged in the pharmaceutical industry, and they too are oppressed. Let’s get those liberal government agents out of these companies’ businesses. I can’t imagine too many people thinking testing the medications that will go to their kids and grandkids really need to be inspected for efficacy and purity, can you? If the medicine works, they will thrive. If it kills or maims kids, the company will fail.

I myself was just oppressed by a government agent this week, when the framing of the new front door stair case I’m having built was inspected by a county agent. Why should that guy get to decide if my staircase has enough support underneath? If people fall through and get hurt, well, freedom! And let’s get those “agents” to stop inspecting children’s playgrounds, the wiring in new homes, and the temperature of the meat lockers at grocery stores.

And who needs an FAA? If we really need air traffic control, the market will cause companies to spring up to offer the service. Sure, we may end up with two competing companies clearing two different airliners to land on the same runway at the same time, but, again, freedom! Which brings us to the licensing of funeral homes…

Oh, and I’m tired of my hard-earned money being stolen by the government (all taxes are theft, I’m told) to build and maintain roads I’ll never drive on. Let’s privatize even more and put toll booths on every corner. Pay only for the roads you use, and while it’s true that some roads, especially rural ones, may fall into disrepair, heck, we don’t drive to Rifle much anyway (though it is a lovely town).

Apparent liberal Scott Tipton clearly isn’t serving the needs of his district’s true conservatives, so let’s boot him out in next year’s primary, assuming his opponent gets the most votes. Because whoever gets the most votes should win, right? Freedom!

Hal Bidlack is a retired professor of political science and a retired Air Force lieutenant colonel who taught more than 17 years at the U.S. Air Force Academy in Colorado Springs.