Thursday was April Fools’ Day, and there’s no greater collection of fools than at the state Capitol. 

Not naming names, here, just a general observation.

There have been some classic April Fools pranks and jokes over the years. One of the most common was to switch the tractors sitting on the desks of rural lawmakers. You have to understand, it’s like being a lifelong Ford or Subaru owner. You’re either John Deere (green) or Case/International Harvester (red). There is no in-between. So naturally on April Fools Day the red and green tractors sometimes get swapped. 

So what did lawmakers (and others) have up their sleeves for April 1 for this year?

Denver International Airport announced via Twitter they are bringing in a llama named Matilda as a member of their safety inspection team. “Llamas are social, gentle, their noses are 6x more powerful than dogs & they learn quickly.” 

What they missed telling you: “The llama is a quadruped which lives in the big rivers like the Amazon. It has two ears, a heart, a forehead, and a beak for eating honey. But it is provided with fins for swimming.” (With apologies for shameless copying of Monty Python). 

Lawmakers were in better form for April Fools’ Day this year than usual. Call it a opportunity to blow off steam. 

The hijinks started in the House with the announcement of a new caucus, the minivan caucus, to be led by Reps. Kyle Mullica of Northglenn and Patrick Neville of Castle Rock.

Mullica apparently has a 2017 Dodge Grand Caravan SXT. He lauded its 283 horsepower, and 3.6 V6 that can tow up to 3,600 pounds. Dual sliding automatic doors and bucket seats he can fold down in 30 seconds. Neville countered that he can do that in his minivan in 20 seconds. 

“We want to be clear this is a big umbrella of a caucus… . If you drive an ’89 Astrovan, we’re willing to take it,” Mullica said. “Classic,” added Neville. 

Back to the seats: they are easy to fold down and numbered, so even Rep. Colin Larson can figure out how to fold them down, Mullica said. “This is a caucus,” he said, not a 1% biker gang.

“The mission of the minivan caucus is to change the perception around minivans,” Neville explained, which he said is not just for the soccer mom but for the legislator dad. 

It is a very cool kids club, Neville said, reminding what happened to former Rep. James Coleman, who was once part of the minivan caucus. He’s now a senator and no longer has a minivan. “Coincidence? I think not!” Neville said.

He also said he no longer has to worry about parking next to Rep. Kevin Van Winkle. Safety features are beyond compare, and in front of it all, 3.5 liters of DE-troit muscle, so “I can truly stow and go, baby! We welcome you, we encourage you to become part of the minivan caucus.”

With a third child on the way, said Speaker of the House Alec Garnett, he and his wife are considering a minivan, and he said he would come to a meeting and listen. 

Van Winkle got even: The minivan caucus, like the minivan or the mullet – to Rep. Neville – is “business in the front, party in the back.”

“This is a dangerous caucus, buyer beware,” warned Rep. Dafna Michaelson Jenet of Aurora, who seemed to be referring to personal experience around buckling a child into a car seat with the keys in her hand and somehow triggering the sliding door.

Where’s Goliath?

The elephant mascot of the minority caucus, Goliath, also went missing on April Fools’ Day. “We’re willing to pay a ransom,” said House Assistant Minority Leader Rep. Tim Geitner of Falcon, which he said they would pay so long as it was matched by the majority party, with donations either to Angels of America’s Fallen or the National Alliance on Mental Illness. 

“I have no idea what happened to Goliath, who’s a very heavy statute,” said Rep. Matt Gray, who joined Geitner at the podium. “I can imagine carrying Goliath up several hallways and up a flight of stairs would be difficult … but I have no idea why I’m up here.”

He promised to match a $50 pledge by Geitner. 

But Geitner had the goods: a picture of Goliath sitting on Gray’s desk. By 11 a.m., however, Goliath had moved on and was no longer in Gray’s office, although there are claims it’s in another part of the office.

A tall order

The vertically-challenged caucus – about a dozen or so lawmakers, some who have to use a stepstool when they’re chairing the committee of the whole debates – also had a tribute, and something of a request.

“Whereas Speaker Garnett is an imposing figure…and we all look up to him, literally,” be it resolved that all future Speakers be under 6 feet tall, the tribute read. Garnett responded that there’s a plaque in his office that says he’s the tallest lawmaker ever, but with an asterisk that says “no actual research was done” to make that claim. 

Senate silliness

In the Senate the hijinks were led by Sen. Majority Leader Steve Fenberg of Boulder, who announced that due to interrogatories coming in from the Supreme Court, Friday’s day off was being cancelled, and that there would be a call of the Senate around 2:15 p.m. Thursday. (The Rockies game, which is a tradition for lawmakers, was slated to start at 2 p.m.). Fenberg, perhaps a bit too subtly, was shaking his head all the while, trying to let people in on the joke.

Confusion reigned for a few moments, until Sen. Rachel Zenzinger came up to the podium, holding up a calendar that pointed out it was April 1st. 

After that little joke, given that the Senate had just wrapped up debate on a bill on retaliation against elected officials, Sen. Don Coram asked if the bill had gone into effect yet, playfully wrapping his hands around Fenberg. 

A top pick

Capitol M had a little joke of her own.

Not long ago, someone gave me an old donkey toothpick holder. You lift the tail, and the toothpick comes out the donkey’s rear exit.

There was just one person who would appreciate it more than me, and that’s Sen. Jerry Sonnenberg, who is one of the best at taking a joke. The donkey was slipped onto his desk early Thursday morning, and those who saw it put there were sworn to secrecy. Watching Sonnenberg while he tried to figure out where it came from and its purpose was truly fun. 

Coram called Sonnenberg and the donkey “a pair.” 

Sonnenberg, being the good sport that he is, had a good laugh. 

(And for all you Amendment 41 junkies, yes, it’s valued well under $65.)

All in all, one of the better April Fools’ Days at the lege, and one that’s frankly needed in this COVID era.