Richard Reeves, a Brit expert on masculinity, investigates what it means to be a man today. He is commenting on the number of men under 40 who are scrambling to find their masculinity and humanity in the face of women’s advances into the world of work and home. American opinion writers have weighed in on the subject as well.

These writers typically analyze what women seem to want and what men do or do not deliver. The crosswise generally includes emotional openness versus emotional closedness, partnership versus hierarchy, mutual responsibility versus immaturity, ambition versus ennui, and sexual engagement versus sexual attraction.

This particular opinion piece reflects the view of an aged baby-boomer woman who has observed these many crosswise experiences over time. She’s seen life before birth control and after birth control; before Title IX and after Title IX; with job applications that said women shouldn’t apply and after job applications couldn’t discriminate like that anymore; before the “second wave” feminism of Betty Friedan, on to #MeToo, and followed by Me Too is Too Much.

Men were carried along, liking it or not, through this historical wave of rights righting and wronging. Some men thought they were in the discriminated position, leaving them feeling inadequate or subordinate in relation to updated expectations. The most aggrieved took to calling women who exercised their right to speak about their rights “feminazis.” Both genders used other vulgar terms related to anatomies to label each other. Trolling, more often a male activity, became a thing.

From a practical point of view, women today can be picky about the men they choose to hang out with, date, or marry because they often have their own incomes and can have babies using alternative mating methods. Many women in marriage or partnerships including children are the principal wage earners.

From an aged baby boomer’s perspective, how can younger generations wend their ways through these many complications so both genders maintain their pride, respect, love and caring? As in most cases, a little give produces a lot of value.

Money, or the currency it takes to have a decent, safe life, is still a large part of how both sexes view the world. Go back to Jane Austen’s “Pride and Prejudice” or George Eliot’s “Middlemarch” and you’ll see the effect of money on women, coupling and marriage. Look at Dickens’ “Great Expectations” and you’ll see how money distorts relationships for men. The well-known American classic “The Great Gatsby” is about old and new money, sex and class.

Most stories before the 1980s highlight the female in the under position and the male in the over position. That formula began to change in 1982, the first year women earned more college degrees than men.

The flip-over in higher-ed degrees is transformative. Title IX has given women an entrée into the hallowed world of competitive sports and academic opportunities. Anti-discrimination for jobs has altered partner economics. Birth control has expanded women’s choices as to how they will live their lives. In the United States, these changes have created an upheaval in status between men and women. Add these pieces up, and many others, and the factors that were the foundation of relationships up to the 1960s are much diminished.

Let’s move on to the quotidian because that’s where most friction between men and women occurs. Men can overcome many barriers to good relations with women if they put in a little effort. Women can do the same. Here are some basic principles.

Men: Clean up after yourselves. Don’t leave it to your partner to put your socks in the laundry basket and hang up your shirts and pants. Put your dishes in the dishwasher. Rinse out the bathroom sink after shaving. Put out the trash without making your partner ask.

If children are in the picture, and your partner criticizes how you care for them, explain quietly you have your way and she has hers and she should leave you alone about that. You have permission to add that doing it your way at least gets it done. The theory here is to take initiative to participate in the everyday, annoying jobs that must be done without complaint and without having to be asked. Even cook dinner sometimes, maybe every day.

Women: Men don’t like to hear about all the horrible things that happened at work right off the top while getting ready for dinner. A good conversation starter is to focus on some sports events. You can ask your partner how his football, basketball, or baseball team is doing. Make a show of reading the sports page. Once that communication path is well established, talking about horrible work experiences plays better. Finding common conversation subjects, showing interest and exhibiting good humor are great strategies.

Men and women: Taking time out from each other to spend with friends, as long as you don’t come home wasted, is also helpful. Give each other room to live.

Get the drift? Find places where you can help each other and where you can each reach out beyond yourselves and you’ll do just fine.

Paula Noonan owns Colorado Capitol Watch, the state’s premier legislature tracking platform.