“The Missiles of October” was a long-ago TV series based on the 1962 Cuban missile crisis. If there was to be a sequel about the congressional spectacle of the past month, they could call it, “The Mischief of October.”

In a nutshell, the plot could be captured as follows.

“Kevin McCarthy, don’t let the door hit you on the way out.”

“Steve Scalise, ummm, never mind.”

“Jim Jordan, we’re not that into you.”

“Tom Emmer, thank you for coming but the Don says no.”

With Tom having bit the dust just a day ago without even a roll call vote, I figured that Dick and Harry would surely follow.

Instead, Republicans, in fast becoming the party of the lowest common denominator, went shopping in their ranks for someone, anyone, they could all tolerate to sit at the front of the room and swing the gavel. Even the mannequins were starting to look attractive.

Enter Louisiana’s Mike Johnson. If you had not heard of him 24 hours ago, that doesn’t make you uninformed. Political junkies and keen observers were furiously consulting their almanacs, now known as Wikipedia.

For the past decade or longer, Republicans have been consumed with a rebrand to become the party of the common man. Goodbye, Wall Street; hello, Main Street.

True, how Donald Trump became the beau ideal of average Joes is quite its own novella. But that is for another day.

Having suffered endless embarrassment for weeks on end, and having grown tired of hearing Democrats, one after another without hesitation or deviation, cast their vote for Hakeem Jeffries, House Republicans finally opted to ditch the name-brand characters – you know, those with any kind of experience or track record or following, and shop instead on the generic aisle.

As generics go, Johnson is, well, generic. Until yesterday, I guarantee you he had to show his ID to the parking lot attendant and the elevator operator.

How Republicans came to this point is quite the story of its own. The tale starts with the razor-thin margin by which Republicans gained control of Congress a year ago. The composition of the body now consists of 221 Republicans and 212 Democrats, with two seats vacant.

Given that 218 constitutes a majority, now 217 with the current vacancies, the Republican caucus – errr, “conference,” that sounds so much more distinguished – must be essentially unanimous. Only four of 221 Republicans can depart from the groupthink.

Among this crowd, good luck getting 217 to agree on pizza toppings or a Secret Santa drawing, much less anything of consequence.

In that context, each and every Republican member is essentially the decisive, swing vote. Wave that temptation and fleeting power in front of more than a few prima donnas far more interested in cable appearances, internet clicks and small-donor dollars than on any nuances of legislating – and this is what ensues.

Matt Gaetz, that exemplar of all that is wrong with Congress broadly and the GOP, in particular, set this chain of events in motion by taking to the House floor to wax eloquent and indignant as to why Speaker McCarthy could no longer be allowed to rule the roost.

Of course, Gaetz comes quite naturally to that lack of dignity piece.

Before we feel too sorry for good old Kevin, let’s recall that he laid the banana peels for his own slippery demise amidst the 15 rounds of voting back in January by letting his naked zest for the crown hinder any judgment about how governing actually works. By agreeing that a single member of Congress could bring forward a motion to vacate the chair, McCarthy empowered Gaetz and others of his ilk, and willfully paved the way for his own inevitable ouster.

It was never a question of if, only one of when.

Beyond quaint concepts like dignity and functionality, the other victim of this debacle was any faint hope for even a limited rebirth of bipartisanship.

The whole episode was launched in the immediate aftermath of the bipartisan vote, perish the thought, at the very end of September to keep the government open and operating for another 45 days. For true-believing fire-breathers on both the hard left and right, any such cooperation with the hated other party is sacrilege.

That congressional funding vote took place on a Saturday. Gaetz and allies swung quickly into action and McCarthy was toast by Tuesday.

Congress most often moves at a glacial pace. But threaten the party order along with the silly, anti-democratic notion that a minority of one party can rule the day and the rebels will exact their toll in the blink of an eye.

Over these intervening weeks, there was opportunity, as well, for moderates on both sides of the chamber, to the extent they still exist, to come to some procedural meeting of the minds and elect a speaker with votes from both Republican and Democratic members. But neither party was all that interested in such boldness.

Maybe some other year. Or century.

Here we are and Mike Johnson unexpectedly occupies the big chair. The latest round of government funding runs out in three weeks. The Middle East is aflame. Ukraine continues to resist Russian invaders and American support remains crucial. To say nothing of a dozen other urgencies.

And another presidential election looms just a year ahead with an even enhanced risk from denier-sorts. Those ranks leftover from 2020 include our newly-minted speaker. Such denialism, apparently, is a precondition for promotion within the GOP conference. Ask Tom Emmer.

In looking recently through our coffee table books, I came across one entitled, simply, “Odd Jobs.” These portraits of unusual occupations include everything from semen collector to sparring partner to mortuary cosmetologist to Mount Rushmore crack filler to Stanley Cup keeper.

The publisher might want to consider adding Speaker of the House to a subsequent edition.

Good luck to the suddenly-famous Mike Johnson. He would be advised to keep in mind that the same actors and factors that brought down his predecessor are likely to do him in as well.

Eric Sondermann is a Colorado-based independent political commentator. He writes regularly for Colorado Politics and the Gazette newspapers. Reach him at?EWS@EricSondermann.com; follow him at @EricSondermann