Can we talk? 

Lately it seems like the answer is a loud “no,” particularly when it comes to political conversations. Acid tweets flying about in conversations designed to burn rather than enlighten. Who isn’t tired of wading through a toxic swamp?  

Entrepreneur Jan Janura has a compelling, challenging – and far better – answer in his new book “Turning Small Talk into Big Talk,” pushing all of us to push our conversations out of the colorless shallows. Jan has a 40-year track record demonstrating that by going deeper and seeking significance in conversation, we can bring people together, build real relationships and improve our own lives in the process.

“The absence of serious, meaningful conversations is the root of many of the problems in our society today,” he writes in the book. “We can’t talk about serious subject like politics, our hopes and fears, problems in our cities, religion, our regrets and health problems that might be tearing us down.” 

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Janura received his undergraduate degree at Colorado State before going on to Fuller Seminary and a legendary career in the clothing industry. He and his wife Carol Anderson launched CAbi (Carol Anderson By Invitation) a brilliant and fabulously successful company that used the Tupperware sales model for clothing.

Jan is a living, breathing bottle of champagne, who is always bubbling with new ideas. At the core of his success in life, business and philanthropy is a deep desire for significant conversation, diving below the surface talk that we too often think is all we can safely engage in with others. 

No stranger to taking risk – in business or in life – Janura risks asking “table questions” at dinners, not settling for the small groups surfing through ultimately meaningless chatter. These are thoughtfully crafted, intentionally designed conversation starters curated for the personalities and interests of the men and women at the table. 

The goal? Overcoming Janura’s Public Enemy Number One: idle chit chat.

“Ultimately, chit chat is simply a way of passing time without seeming rude during social situations,” he writes. “I’ve reached a point in my life where I’m tired of wasting my time, treasure and talent on things that are insignificant.”

Jan is the founder and proprietor of The Wild Adventure, a week for small groups of men to meet at Jan’s stunning Montana ranch for fly fishing, great food and wine and deep conversations. The goal is to help men find their hearts, grapple with their own lives, and deepen their relationship with God. It’s the least “churchy” gathering ever, and one of the greatest experiences of my life.  

It opened my eyes to the challenge and fun of table questions and Big Talk.

How does this apply to our political moment?

I reached Jan at his home in Southern California, and we discussed how Big Talk can help bridge political chasms.  

“In this political environment we’re in, we’re just hurling positions and insults back and forth,” he said. “If we don’t get involved in meaningful conversations nothing good will take place and nothing will change.” 

Big Talk or table questions help break down the assumptions and the barriers, that we often erect that prevent us from really listening to people who have political ideas, or even entire worldviews, different than ours. 

Janura believes while people are more reluctant to step into deeper conversational waters these days, he also has seen that they are eager to swim once they jump in.

“People are afraid to tip their hand, but they are also desperate to do so,” he said. “People want to be found.” 

Not many years ago, deeper conversations among politically diverse – even diametrically opposed – legislators were the norm. Before the passage of the Colorado constitutional amendment that stopped elected officials from being able to accept a meal or a cocktail, it was common to find bipartisan groups at after-hours dinners and drinks at places like the Warwick Hotel bar near the Capitol. They learned about each other’s stories and why they ran for office.

This wasn’t chit chat. 

It was a time for meaningful exchanges that built friendships.

“If we aren’t having conversations, then I am just telling people my positions on things and that doesn’t accomplish anything,” Janura said.  

Political caricatures are harder to paint of people you have come to know as people. It’s more difficult to run roughshod over a person in the other party if you understand why they have the views they do.

Turning useless, often corrosive political jabbering into Big Talk requires us all to take the risk to be conversational entrepreneurs. Get yourself a copy of this great book and let’s take a page out of Jan Janura’s success story and give it a try.

The better angels of our nature are waiting for your next dinner party.  

Sean Duffy, a former deputy chief of staff to Gov. Bill Owens, is a communications and media relations strategist and ghostwriter based in the Denver area.