The lighter side of the Capitol, usually, and oh! What a week they’ve had!

With just over two weeks to go in the 2024 session, you’d think most people have lost their cherub-like demeanors (h/t John Pinette) by now.

You’d be wrong.

This was a perfect week for humor of all kinds.

Starting in the House, it was the week for the final passage of the potato bill.

Some measures lend themselves to jokes and give lawmakers the opportunity to show off their best puns.

Senate Bill 137 was the vehicle, or the potato truck. It’s when an “aye” vote becomes an “eye” vote. 

Let the groaning commence.

SB 137 came up for its final House debate on April 11 and a final vote on Sunday, April 14. Thank goodness for the potatoes and the fact that the bill was the last item on the calendar on both days.

Everyone lined up at the microphone to make their potato puns, starting with Rep. Matthew Martinez, one of the bill’s sponsors. “This is a mash made in heaven,” he said.

“This is a spud-tacular bill!” thundered co-sponsor Rep. Richard Holtorf. “This bill is no small potatoes,” added Martinez. That apparently prompted people to start throwing potatoes at them. 

“No props at the well!” said the committee of the whole chair, Rep. Jennifer Parenti. Obviously a rice person.

Rep. Barbara McLachlan said she asked the sponsors about the bill and was told, ” It’s time for a fresh starch.”

From Rep. Meg Lukens: “If you don’t like this bill, we’ll shake it off because taters are gonna tate!…Time fries when you’re having fun.”

It took a while, but Parenti finally got into the act when Rep. Ron Weinberg (whom she called FRYberg) came to the well, bringing a pretty decent impersonation of Holtorf.

Rep. Ryan Armagost also tried his hand at a Holtorf impression, which was also pretty spot-on because it was LONGGGGGG.

The stars of the pun-fest, however, go to Reps. Matt Soper and Brianna Titone, who brought (and ate) potato chips at the microphone, given that the debate on the 11th was during the heart of the lunch hour. “This has been a really good roasting on this potato bill,” Titone said. “I like potatoes, certified Colorado potatoes. This should be an a-peeling bill for you. There’s no need to butter you up on this bill,” and said she would seek an “EYE” vote for the bill. “I YAM a ‘yes’ on this bill,” Titone said. 

They also brought amendments.

This was Titone’s offering:

The second, from Soper, was a substitute (cauliflower?) amendment to change the bill to the Mr. Potatohead Act, although it raised the possibility that Mr. Potatohead may be uncertified, which would be unacceptable!

“Are we doing this?” asked a somewhat unsure Parenti, which brought the sponsors back to the well to ask for a “no” vote. Someone hollered out, “Division!” Both amendments were withdrawn.

On Sunday, prior to the final vote, the sponsors brought friends, suspiciously similar to Mr. Potatohead figures.

The bill won a 60-1 vote (Rep. Stephanie Luck must also be a rice-lover) on Sunday. 

The latest on the train business, starring Senadora Julie Gonzales and Sen. Perry Will

Mayor Mike Johnston never responded to the Rocky Mountain Oyster-eating challenge on Thursday as part of the Sportsmen’s annual BBQ on the east side of the Capitol. The challenge was to gain the rights to the DIA train voice.

Fortunately, Gonzales resolved the issue with a positively artful solution.

During Tuesday’s debate on a bill related to the Front Range passenger rail system, Gonzales introduced an amendment that could end the controversy.

An amendment!

Gonzales’ amendment stated, “The general assembly further finds and declares that once the front range passenger rail line is completed and in service, the voice of Senator Perry Will of Newcastle, Colorado shall be the official voice of  front range passenger rail and shall be used to make all announcements on front range passenger rail trains.”

This, however, did not get the love, especially from Will’s GOP colleagues, and it lost. 

The good senator from Denver, however, was undeterred.

She tried it again when the bill came up for its final vote Wednesday, with the same amendment, and it passed on a 25-9 vote. The 9 Perry haters were all Will’s colleagues on the GOP side. What a bunch of spoiled sports!

Gonzales had a second amendment right to rename the project the “choo-choo train,” but it received no love from anyone, so she withdrew it.

The big question is how long Will’s voice stays on the bill. In the coming days, it will be up to House Speaker McCluskie and Rep. Andrew Boesenecker to defend it.

Don’t mess with perfection, please.

Fortune cookies?

An unknown individual has been dropping odd fortune cookie fortunes on House desks.

One included a picture of a beach on one side; on the other: “Wish you were here but you’re stuck at the Capitol until May 9!” (The session ends on May 8)

Capitol M knows the prankster’s identity but is keeping it under wraps until that person is willing to be outed.